I used to perceive death as unfair, loss, scary and hurtful. Unfair because at a tender age of 9, I do not understand why Allah suddenly took someone away from your life even though you had been good. Loss, I do not know why there is such a huge void of emptiness in me when I do not see the person anymore. Scary, why the dead is wrapped like a mummy and put in the ground when it is told later that they would be brought to life and questioned by Munkar Nakir. Hurtful to see so much tears. It took me a long time to understand death and the true meaning of ' Tuhan yang menentukan ajal maut seseorang'. As a Muslim, all I am suppose to do is 'berserah kepada Allah' because Allah is the One who decides everything and nothing can happen without Allah's consent. Sincerely, I feel more calm embracing that. It is not easy especially when I really want to make a difference and to be in control but Allah's lesson on life has taughts me to eventually surrender to Allah as Allah decides what is for you and what can be done to you. Al-Fatehah to my late Yayi, Kasiman ( A dear big brother to my grandpa, Yayi Sias) and to the dearest little Nur who suffered from heart problem and was about to go for treatment but Allah has greater plan for you and for us.To an FB acquiantance who is fighting with cancer and the doctor said that she has only 10% of survival, semoga Allah memberi kamu kekuatan melalui semua ini dan memanjangkan umur kamu buat seketika demi anak-anak yang sedang membesar. An old flame reminded me several times: Fainna maal usri yusra. Inna maal usri yusra. I hope Allah gives me the means to help those in need. Amin.
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