Why polygamy if he is your jodoh?

Polygamy and 'jodoh' have always been intriguing especially the latter on its miraculous occurence. What is actually jodoh? How do you know he or she is your jodoh? How come certain people has several jodohs? Look, if it was jodoh at first but how come it did not last?

As I was googling this mysterious concept, I came across this blog:
http://poissonandme.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/jodoh.html ,typed by Dima Marlina.

She mentioned at the bottom line, only Allah knows your jodoh and whether you are with that person on earth or not but you are married. Again, only Allah knows.

This excerpt in the movie Ayat-Ayat Cinta is so powerful on the context of jodoh especially when Aishah said to Fahri," Jodoh itu rahsia Allah."

Those words just humbled me. Really humbled me to a consecrating position physically, emotionally and mentally. A position where I have neither right to demand nor own anything in this world. Everything is on loan and falls under the concept of 'rezeki'. Rezeki comes and goes just like the tides but the essence of rezeki is always there just like water, its only a matter of less or more. That is also on loan cause Allah may dry up all the water in the world and you have nothing left except for Allah. I used to share this saying to someone who dreamt about being rich; if you do not remember Allah in times like this, what makes you think that you will remember Allah in times of wealth and in times of poverty? He replied, " Akak, why are you bursting my bubbles?"

I really think people of great iman is someone who remembers Allah and still lead a life truthfully as a Muslim when he or she is blessed with wealth or tested with poverty. It will be my greatest gift to meet such people and to have an iman like them, will be a true blessing from Allah in this life.

Soon, it is going to mark my 6th year anniversary where I think my husband and I should pray together at night to thank Allah for this rezeki blessed upon us. I hope he is my jodoh but again, i can only hope or I should not hope but just 'redha' cause I am suppose to do my duty as a Muslimah in this world. I pray that Allah will make him a good Muslim because at least, if he is not my jodoh, he is a good servant of Allah.

This concept of 'jodoh' is not easy to comprehend and even if you do understand, do you embrace it? Or do you really understand that the concept of jodoh is leading you to the meaning of Islam? With this understanding, though it is bitter, I have to swallow the concept of polygamy since Rezeki is not mine alone but when Allah wants my Rezeki to be shared, Allah will test my faith. However Allah, please do not burden my Rezeki with things beyond his capability because if You do, for the sake of love and in my pursuit of being a true Muslim; a sincere servant of Yours, I will make the sacrifice and redha atas segala pemberian-Mu, Ya Allah.

Highland Lowland Ying Yang

It had been two weeks plus since we stayed in London. So far it is quite all right and Alhamdulillah, staying a bit out of central London was not a big issue since the tube is working. Please pray that all will be well through out my stay in London in the pursuit of knowledge.

I had made a few friends either of the same Master or even of the same modules. SOAS is really a melting pot of culture, a globalise institution which at its best, never raised an issue of ethnicity (not that I know yet) or even religion. I am glad that I have chosen this path that at this moment parallel to my objectives in life. Pray too that Allah open an excellent career path for my husband to upgrade himself in his forte.

So as I was on my way home, in a tube, staring blankly at neighbourhoods in motion, the mind is reflecting on today's anthropology lecture as well as seminar one the Highlands and the Lowlands. Basically, the Highlands are tribes people that are away from international communication which was at that time trade, mainstream politics, feudal hierarchy or the simplest, tribes that live in places that are difficult to get to like in the deep forest or on the mountain. The Lowlanders are the opposite of all that who lives in the feudal system and has direct communication with the outside world through trade and commerce. So basically, if I am not wrong, we are to discuss on the attributes that define the lowlanders and the highlanders as well as their development thought out the years. I had to read like 4 books on these two groups that made up the Southeast Asian big family since I am doing a presentation on it. So I chose to explore the Philippines who are THANK GOD, the least complex group of people in comparison with the Cambodians. The Cambodians, they are just complex. The Highlanders of Cambodia, they are not like the typical stereotypes of highlanders in Southeast Asia. The Kachins are true rebels with own political system; either Gumlao or Gumsa. I confirmed that it is just in any human being attitude to be unique, to distinguish one from another and even to prove that one is superior than another (somehow, we all have the 'Hitler' syndrome). This is one evil trait that prove to be the most stubborn stain through centuries from the beginning of time.

So back to the Philippines, the Buid ( a representative of the Highlander) people who eventually had to give up some of their traditional beliefs in their perseverance to conserve the forest, the environment that is inherited to them. They used to think Western or even Christianity is the threat to their way of life but in fact, I think it is politics and industrialisation. To create political and economic stability, a country need to be cordon through settlements so that it will be much easier to monitor and control. Policies after policies were passed which interestingly compelled the highlanders to adopt the lowlanders way of life. Yet, there are still remains who stay strong to the essence of their traditional philosophy and principles. Like what Dr Janowski said the relationship between the Highlanders and the Lowlanders is like Ying and Yang. The Highlanders tradition balanced the ecosystem as well as humanity (to me). When that balance is upset, it will not be surprising that  Armageddon is near. The lesson today mainly remind me again and again the importance of balance in life. Traditions too play a part in our life because traditions are knowledge that guide us through life.

Tomorrow...another day for me to reflect and know more about life.

My thoughts on London

I sincerely think that it is weird being a student once again in my 30s. At times, I imagined hearing what is this old heck wrap-up lady doing here, Asia must be poor and that is why peeople in their 30s are continuing their studies...But of course that is not true. It's just my 'schizo' self talking.

So, I had attend many talks and workshop during orientation week. Do I really know people? Nope but I did talk and made acquaintances along the way. People do not really talk to me probably cause we are of a different wavelength and I am most definitely not ready to open up yet.

I had updated a lot via FB but here will just be what I truy feel about living as a student here. Basically, London is a NICE city with non-judgmental people. I just shared with a lady to buy a scarf yesterday. A stranger who is confused and just could not agree on buying a third piece of scarf. Its fate. Allah decide who I shall bump and talk to everyday.

Do I miss food? Not really since there are Asian stuffs available and it helps a lot that I am staying with Malaysians who are great at cooking and loooooove cooking. Somehow, UM days are always near to the heart.

I am sure that everywhere we go, we just have to be open and less shy (which it will take a while for me to break away from my shyness) aaaaaaaand be hardworking. I always believe that Rezeki, Allah is the one who gives. He decides who, what, how and when for us.

Drizzling Saturday. Every Saturday, visiting hair salon is a routine. There are a few things that I appreciate; facial, hair salon and massage. I may look simple and just like any typical makcik but I take great pride of my skin, beauty and health. It will be great if I am a fashionista but I am more comfortable in shirt, cotton blouse, denim and slippers or sneakers. Going to beauty salon is amazing because I get to catch on my sleep as I am pampered. It is not cheap but this luxury is really hard to let go. All these have to diminish as I enter student's life. It will be probably back to the days of DIY; eggs, yoghurt...

Today, my school is having this donation drive at Toa Payoh East CC. We dropped by before leaving for our hair appointment. I got my hands hennaed and we played a couple of games. I told my husband, we should play snooker or pool soon since it had been ages since we got married. I think I still have it in me but I am not sure if I can beat my husband. I am a competitive player and a sore loser.




Below is our very own Stompers and some of them are my students and dancers. At times, I feel it was only yesterday they entered the school and I scolded them or played pranks on them. They are wonderful kids and frankly, it is not easy leaving. I am trying to numb myself at times, my way of defending my heart. I even have the thought of not attending Teacher's Day celebration because I just do not want to reveal my feelings. It probably will not be fair to the kids but again, what if the kids do not give a damn. I am just so embarassing.

The Stompers.

It is really sweet that these kids are willing to dress up as superheroes to promote the event. Wonderful kids that will be graduating soon.

The bears made by teachers to raise fund for our students. The bear at the top with gorgeous rocker curls is made by me. He is a Mat Rock bear. Alhamdulillah, he made it to the auction as there are a few who want to own it.

The day ended with a family centered Kenduri at our neighbour's place. My heart almost break when Kak Noris said to her relative that she will not have a neighbour anymore. We may not be neighbours Kak Noris but we definitely going to be close and in touch. I promise.

the paces in life

This is breakfast on Sunday morning. Red velvet topped with thick cream cheese frosting by Pastry Galleria is a luxury and priviledge by my brother's fiancee. So far the best red velvet I tasted and how I wish that they will have another red velvet workshop before I leave Sg. Perhaps if I can get like 20 interested individuals, they do not mind conducting another workshop during Ramadhan. I will try asking around.

My brother got engaged to my mother's look-a-like eventually after almost 7 years of relationship. Hence, the delicious cupcake that I got to taste courtesy of his fiancee. Marriage is amazing because your family just grow. From a sister that I have always have a love-hate relationship to another two sisters. From an individual who used to be care-free ( this is no panty liner) to a more grounded family  person who treasures friendship and people. I am still a sceptic and individualistic but not as bad as before. After the death of my brother in law and losing touch with my one month old sister in law, I am all thankful for my sister, sister in law as well as Frana. Little Iza is also a blessing to the girl power that miraculously encourages me to begin a family. Just that, it still has to wait just for a while. I hope that when I come back to Sg, I will be at least 3 months pregnant. I really want to hold my own children, raise them as well as Allah permits and witness them turn into fine responsible adults. We have almost enter into 6 years of marriage and I really hope 7 will be our lucky number, the blessed one.

Two months more and Insya-Allah, we will be welcoming our first nephew and London as part of our home. There are still a lot to settle here and most importantly, finding a good samaritan who can take care of our Bibi and Bang Bang for a year. These are our two earlier commitment and it is not easy to leave them. However, I am responsible of building a better life for my family as well as them. Ya Allah, ketemukanlah kami dengan orang yang baik dan sanggup menjaga kucing-kucing kami dengan baik.

 Bibi watching National Geographic Channel from her box.

A friend that will still be in your ship.

Assalamualaikum Melati,

what actually makes a friendship? Two or more people who shares the same interest or is it history or spawns from genuine feeling of care and concern? I used to have a friend, S, that I did many crazy things. Being with her opened up a brand new experience with many uncertainties in life. It opened my eyes on the other true essence of life; living a life that is opened to many possibilities that in return humbled me as I anchored to nothingness all alone. Not really all alone but with a friend, R, that breathed a hope in life that turned me into a passionate lady in her 20s. Somehow, I got all deluded by the current situation at that time and forgot all the good things my friends, R & J, had done for me. I know it was because I used to be easily bended and swayed by others at that moment, I just wanted to strongly stick to what I believe and be all righteous. However along the roller coaster ride and mainly after that, I just think that true friendship is someone who can accept you for better or worst and just treasure friendship at the end of the day after being hurt. I believe no one is really out there to intentionally hurt their friends. It taught me too that even though I may not agree, I do not have to agree and follow them just to be friends. I just have to be quiet and respect their way of thinking. I still have S kindergarten graduation pic. I am sure she is reluctant to reply due to whatever reason that I simply could not remember on how I had offended her. I hope we can talk about it for a closure and frankly, I do not expect us to be buddies like before but at least to move on as I learnt what I should not do in a friendship. For R & J, I did make an attempt especially to R but I guess her heart has closed for me. I do wish them all the best especially right now, I am in my 30s and hoping to be a mother some day.

What is death?

I used to perceive death as unfair, loss, scary and hurtful. Unfair because at a tender age of 9, I do not understand why Allah suddenly took someone away from your life even though you had been good. Loss, I do not know why there is such a huge void of emptiness in me when I do not see the person anymore. Scary, why the dead is wrapped like a mummy and put in the ground when it is told later that they would be brought to life and questioned by Munkar Nakir. Hurtful to see so much tears. It took me a long time to understand death and the true meaning of ' Tuhan yang menentukan ajal maut seseorang'. As a Muslim, all I am suppose to do is 'berserah kepada Allah' because Allah is the One who decides everything and nothing can happen without Allah's consent. Sincerely, I feel more calm embracing that. It is not easy especially when I really want to make a difference and to be in control but Allah's lesson on life  has taughts me to eventually surrender to Allah as Allah decides what is for you and what can be done to you. Al-Fatehah to my late Yayi, Kasiman ( A dear big brother to my grandpa, Yayi Sias) and to the dearest little Nur who suffered from heart problem and was about to go for treatment but Allah has greater plan for you and for us.To an FB acquiantance who is fighting with cancer and the doctor said that she has only 10% of survival, semoga Allah memberi kamu kekuatan melalui semua ini dan memanjangkan umur kamu buat seketika demi anak-anak yang sedang membesar. An old flame reminded me several times: Fainna maal usri yusra. Inna maal usri yusra. I hope Allah gives me the means to help those in need. Amin.

10th June 2006- Haji Kasiman Bin Liham

Today my granduncle passed away after months of poor health. I am just not ready to post anything. Perhaps the next time when I am more stable.

Intimidate

Do I look intimidating? Seriously. I am obviously not the friendliest person on Earth but I am actually not a bad person. It seems like most people are having the hot and cold Katy Perry's effect on me. The vibes are like 'I have to be better than you' or 'You think you are mighty than me'. Seriously, I need to see what I am doing that makes people think like that of me. I know that people do not expect much from me but when suddenly, they found out that I somehow exceed a certain expectation and they dropped their jaw or shrieked in disbelief. I always believe that Allah Taala yang menentukan segalanya but please, do not think that I am proud and suddenly, I looked down upon you probably because we do not have the same PNGK. My husband said that I am haughty and i can be sarcastic. I see myself as easily irritated and a sceptic. I seriously need to do something about myself but i refuse to be a victim. Seriously, look at my face and tell me, how intimidating can that face be? I cannot give you a million dollar but at least, you will be doing a great favour in making me a better Muslim. By the way, the pic was taken by my China boy and i was imitating their usual pose but I just cannot bring myself to make the 'act-cute' face.

A friend shared this on FB and instantly, my eyes glittered and my heart floated into the joyful memories of the 80s. The first time my parents brought my sis (who is 2 years my junior) and I to Toa Payoh National Library. That was one of the precious gifts my parents got me despite us living humbly in a rented flat at lorong 5. As cliche as it sounds, the gift of knowledge. I really felt like a million dollars being exposed to racks and racks of books and immediately, i ran to fairy tales and Aesop fables, my first love. Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales were my good source of moral education and perhaps, if Allah izinkan, I will be reading it to my daughters so that she will embrace good characteristics of The Little Mermaid, Thumbelina and even Snow White from the Grimm's bothers. Talking about the Grimm's brothers, rumour has it that they are not the actual author of several fairy tales but in actual facts, these stories were before passed through word of mouth probably decades ago before Grimm just like Puisi lama and Kisah Bawang Putih Bawang Merah, Laksama Bintan and many more Malay folktales. However, the main point here is that books has and will always be a great source of moral values for young kids instead of Ipad, Youtube and television.

Being a librarian once crossed my mind but believe it or not that at that young age, i did wish to be an archaeologist basically I got hooked by the mysterious Pharaohs, the legendary Romans and philosophically intrigued by Greek mythology. At 8 or even earlier than that because my uncle introduced me to Clash of the Titans movie starring Laurence Olivier with his 70s dashing layers of hairs. Growing up around books was amazing and thanks to that, I learnt to pick up English in a household of Malays and Javanese speaking adults. I am definitely not a genius or speak English as fluent as an educated native English speaker but good enough to score an eight for my IELTS. Berkat usahaku dan keredhaan Allah Ta'ala. Insya-Allah if all goes well, I will be stepping into London's kingdom of knowledge in September. I hope that I can do very well.

Do you travel?

I have always enjoy travelling especially after my very first trip to part of Europe. It was with my close friend, Nora, who i knew since i was 19. We tagged along her sister who had a work conference at Amsterdam. From Amsterdam, we took a train to Belgium and then stayed a couple days at Luxembourgh before making our way to Denmark from Schiphol.

After that it was my honeymoon in one of my favourite cities in the world, Rome, the land of the gladiators where Julius Caesar once ruled. My first time bringing my newbie husband travelling across continents to the most romantic city in the world. Then it was Bali, going back to the roots of Hinduism that was once our religion in the archipelago. London was next together with my family as a treat for them. It is one of my favourite cities too and perhaps, if Allah is willing, that will be the place my ambition and dreams materialise.  2010, my husband planned a vacation to Turkey where we were amazed not only by history but also development of Islam, our faith. Allah Maha Besar! Allah Maha Besar! In this world lies the secret of our maker, Allah Subhanallah Hi Wa Taala.

A close friend of mine shared with me that she first travelled at the age of 16 and that was to London. Her mum actually saved every penny to expand her daughter's mind and thoughts although she is a single mum and they were living in a one-roomed flat. She told me her mum had always value education and that is the reason why all 5 of her daughters are degree holders despite losing their sole bread winner at a very young age. I hope to be that kind of mother. Insya-Allah.



Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Aku bersyukur kepada Yang Esa yang membangkitkan aku bersama mentari setelah dimatikan aku sebentar dalam kepekatan malam.

This is the first time after 5 years of hiatus from the blogging world. Currently in the kitchen while my husband is heating up the Shark fin's soup for breakfast. Anime music is playing in the living room. That signifies that the living room has been cordon off by my husband for his entertainment. The two cats, Bibi and Bang Bang, are cleaning themselves in the kitchen. Skies are dark signifying that the earth is going to be blessed very soon with water from heaven. Marriage has made me a woman who is thankful to all God's Qudrat and somehow settled but still with a hint of burning ambition to conquer the world...( I was just kidding). What i really mean is to conquer a certain part of knowledge and once again dived into the sea of emptiness and realisation that we are just a humble being of Allah Taala.

Semoga Allah memberkati segala ilmu yang ada dalam dada serta yang bakal dituntut untuk kebaikan dan kesejahteraan manusia sebagai hamba-Nya. Amin.